Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
