Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
