So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
