1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
