tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
