I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
