Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
