just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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