but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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