i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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