So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
