I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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