I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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