Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
