Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
