So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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