Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
