I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
