yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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