Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
