4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
