Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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