There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
