I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
