i can't believe i had my finger in that
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are two peas in an std pod
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
