this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
