that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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