i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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