god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
