He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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