Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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