You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
