Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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