I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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