i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, beer. Big fan.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
