Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
