im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
