I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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