May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
