We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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