No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
