apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
