I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
