And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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