Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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