i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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