If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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