I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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