Umm I'm too high to move.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
