I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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