i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
