My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
